First of all it is freezing out. Second of all I'm kind of down right now. I felt like I got picked on a little tonight; and that is fine it was just that a lot of different people did it. It was all playful and in good nature, but sometimes I just let it get to me too much.

I miss someone. I don't like when I have to see things that I want. I think some people take certain things for granted, and honestly I just want to smack them. Wake up; you have the most important thing in the world right in front of you.

The world is full of human lobsters; men stranded on the rocks of indecision and procrastination, who, instead of putting forth their own energies, are waiting for some grand billow of good fortune to set them afloat.

-Orison Swett Marden

let it snow!

First day of break is gone! I finished my last final Wednesday and spent today napping and making Christmas ornaments for my girlfriend and her roommates. I also made them some hot chocolate mix because I wasn't allowed to make them food. I really wanted to make them some Christmas cookies or something, but I guess I've made them too many sweets in the past.

My girlfriend and I have been sick off and on for the last week and a half. It really sucks! All I've wanted to do this week is snuggle. I had to study and was sick at the beginning of the week, and now she is sick and has to study. RAWR. I hope she gets better!

She was drunk one night this week and her friend drove her by my place; she saw my lights and said, "Let me out." It was cute when she told me this. It made my day :-P.

sweaty

Being sick is no fun. I'm fine when I am able to take Tylenol. I just finished my paper. It ended up being 11 pages; I'm pleased with that. I was shooting for 12 or so but I didn't really have anymore to write without being redundant.

I am probably going to wake up tonight covered in sweat again. I hate having the chills. It sucks being freezing and then waking up covered in cold sweat and having to change clothes at 4 AM.

I have a test Friday and then I'm to the weekend. Phew. Tomorrow night is going to be fun. Even if I am sick it is something I've been looking forward to for a long time. Taking my friends out to a nice dinner will be fun. I am so glad that most of them can come! All of them but Christie, but I'll take her out another night. She made me a cake too congratulating me. She thinks what I'm going to do next year is hot. I like that ;-).

So I ate today and it didn't come up! I've had three successful meals in the last three days. Being sick isn't fun. I should get to bed, but before I do I need to post a song (because I haven't in awhile).

I'm not a big fan of the anime but it is the only video with the actual song I wanted. Enjoy.

I wanted to say it tonight.

sickness

I'm starting to get sick. I know it is because of the wonderful weekend I had. I spent too much time out having fun and didn't get much rest. It was worth it though!

Christie met my parents and everything went well! They told me yesterday and today that they really like her :). I'm happy that it went well. I was proud of the way that she answered one of the questions that they asked her. It was so perfect. My whole weekend with her was perfect. The only thing I can complain about was my fault. I made her breakfast in bed on Saturday and I was cleaning the pan and I a piece of the sausage got flung up by the grease and hit my eyelid. It is a little sore but I'm lucky it didn't go in my eye and burn it.

I hope she enjoyed my breakfast. It was fun to eat in my bed and listen to music and then snuggle up for the rest of the morning. I hope she likes the things I do for her. One of her roommate's friend's said that he was jealous about how I "know" what to do to make her happy. It made me feel good, but I don't want someone else to feel inferior about themselves because of what someone else is doing. I've always known I just have needed to be given the chance to show someone how much I care.

I think I'm going to go online and find the rest of Christie's Christmas present. Bedtime after that. I have no energy left; hopefully some sleep will help me feel better.

hooray friday

Long week. I've spent way too much time in the DFM lab. I don't even want to think about it... I spent 12 hours in there today. That doesn't even include the rest of the week. I am SO glad tomorrow is Friday. I've been looking forward to it all week!

I really have. I'd say I wouldn't be so frustrated with the lab if all our group members would show up and work. It has been me and two others the whole time and one person just seems to not want to come. Project has to get done, but seriously?

I enjoy running the CNC mill. It is fun; I broke a drill bit in half when I was learning and my first few pieces sucked quite a bit, but now I'm pretty darn good at running it. We have to make a few more pieces because we cracked one piece when we were putting the turbine together. It looks like with a little more sweat the darn thing is actually going to work. Scary. I'll be happy if it works. I don't really care if it lights up the light bulb, but I do want it to tip out of the wind at high speeds.

I smell like metal shards.

Yay for tomorrow's activities. Dinner with Christie (and my parents!) and then out with Christie's friend and her boyfriend. I'm super excited.

when the morning comes

Tonight was amazing. I went over to Christie's to hang out with her for a bit since we'd been away from each other for a week. I took her a cheesecake I made and some blueberries; it was yummy.

I was only supposed to stay there for a little so she could get her project done; I helped her with it a little, but we kind of got distracted a bit. We checked at midnight to see if I got admitted to grad school or not and nothing was up. Then I left after another hour of watching T.V. while she worked on her project.

The last time I was over helping her with homework she was so stressed out and about ready to give up. We ended up staying up all night and she ended up getting a 93% on it. That was the night I got back from Kansas City. I'm glad I'm able to help her with school work (even though sometimes I have no clue how to help her). Sometimes it just helps to have another mind to help one think about the problem in another fashion.

When I got back I found out I was admitted to one of the schools I applied too! The first thing I did was call Christie to tell her. Exciting but now I have to make a decision. Real world or more school. I haven't really had much time to think about it because it all depended on what school I got into compared to the job. Now I can really think about it; it just sucks that the deadline for deciding the job is supposed to be today.

I'm going to get some sleep now so I can think about this more tomorrow during the day.

i need a little time to make sense how i got so high so fast....""

Looks like it has been ten days. I'm writing less; that is probably because I am happier. Actually I know it is. Writing has been something that I've enjoyed doing. Every time I've done it I have not lasted too long. I think this is probably the longest I've lasted.

I think I'll continue to write; hopefully more than I have this last week! I enjoy it. This week has gone by fast. I had a great time again in Kansas City. It created many memories that I will remember for the rest of my life; my first NFL game, my first time out in KC, my first time being publicly embarrassed at a bar, and a few other memories that will give me stories to tell as I am older.

Thanksgiving was fun too. I made a apple pie for my mommy and daddy. I am so happy for them and their new house. It is nice. I want to have a romantic date with my girlfriend there when they're gone; make dinner there (because I love cooking), eat at the table with candles and then cuddle on the couch by the fireplace and watch a movie. It would be enjoyable. I have some other dates that I'd like to do but this is the one that I want the most.

She is going to meet my parents soon too :-P. I was nervous about asking her because I didn't know where she was at in the relationship; right after I asked her she invited me to meet hers in Chicago too. I'm nervous about going there and meeting them. I'm a nice boy but I don't think the parents from my previous relationship really liked me all that much so I'm a little scared.

The wedding was fun! I was on my seventh beer and my mom looked at me and just shook her head. I danced with her too! Some swing dancing o.O. She didn't know much of the advanced stuff but I got to do the moves she did know with her. I think she enjoyed it. My daddy took some pictures (they're computers aren't set up at the new house so I'll have to get them later).

Lindsay had some beverages too and I asked her if she was going to catch the bouquet! She said, "I hope so!" It was cute. I haven't talked to Aaron about it; I hope he is just waiting until he starts his real job so he can buy her a nice ring because she deserves it.

They're in the kitchen cooking I think. Cute.

Last note; I put up my Christmas lights! They were expensive but I thought I should go for the LED ones to be eco-friendly. A few extra dollars will be worth it; especially if others do their part too. It all adds up!

half day off(ish)

Woot! So hump day is almost officially over; this week has been interesting. I have been super busy (like I said). I am so glad to be done with my wind turbine project for the week. I did so much work on it tonight it is crazy.

I just have one test, one paper, and one presentation left until Friday afternoon and a big ass beer at Bo James with Nanci.

Last night my day was made by Christie. She was thinking of me! She was going to stop by after her rehearsal at Carver, but I was at the SC; and then she sent me a text saying I should come out to where she dropped me off the night before. I did and she had a yummy pastry for me and a few kisses. It totally made my day. I was actually kind of bummed that I wasn't at home and then she showed up like she was reading my mind. :-D.

I got my offer today. I'm so excited! I just wish I knew all my options right now. The first time I can hear from the others is December 1st. Honestly I'm just lost at what I want to do. Blarg. I am super confused with my life right now. I need to come up with the reasons that I would like to do each option. The amount of money that was offered just hasn't sunk in yet; it is good. I'm sure it will within the next few weeks. I know if I do take the job I'll be in good hands with the company. They treat their employees so well; something that goes a long way with me.

Well nothing due until Friday now. Nighty night.

b-l-a-r-g

Homework is smelly. I got a lot done today but I still have a lot to do. I have two projects that are due this week. The report for one is done but we still have a presentation to do on it. The other report will get worked on tomorrow night along with two homework assignments that I have to do for the same class. I also have a test Wednesday. Hooray for me!

I need to study for that one; I missed that class quite a bit due to my interviews that were going on. Ahh! Stressful. I will have to make that decision in December too; something I'm trying to avoid. I kind of have this feeling about it. If I do get any options I'm going to take my friends out to dinner. I know where we'd go too; it won't be cheap.

I can imagine the dinner right now. It will have the feeling of the NFL draft because I'll be the only one that knows what I'm going to do next year and I have this vision of everyone sitting around waiting with great anticipation to hear what I'm going to decide. Everyone knows all of the things that I've applied for but I haven't really told anyone what I really want to do. I am keeping that to myself. I think the decision is mine and that is really all that it comes down to. It is my life so I have to make the decision. I doubt I will tell my friends the results of what happens until dinner that night.

Dinner tonight was fun. I feel kind of bad; something I said came out wrong. I hope she didn't read into it too much; the fact that I am is probably meaning that she did as well. I meant to say that I'd rather be at the movie with Matt than doing homework, but it came out as at the movie than what I was doing at the moment (which was dinner with her). I think both are about equal; I want to have time for her and time for friends.

I gave her the printout of the poster that I am having made! I hope she likes it. The poster is still being made for her but I wanted to give it to her because her last day marching was Saturday.

Oh; she picked to go to Bennigans for me and it made me really happy! I feel like a little kid because she did that for me.

finishing up

Well I made it through today. I got to take an 1:30 nap. I think without that it would have been rough. I was dozing off in class because I hadn't had any sleep. It really sucked! I bet I looked pretty stupid. I think staying up all night was the right thing to do. She really liked the help with her paper and I enjoyed doing it. I think it also showed her that I'm willing to go out of my way to help her out.

I get to see her again tonight :)! I'm excited!

Kansas City was fun! Wow; they really took care of me. I was impressed with the food. I think I ate more at dinner before the main dish arrived than I eat all day. It was very very tasty food. I liked seeing Kansas City too. I really liked the area in the Plaza by the art museum. It reminded me of the Old Capital area; which is my favorite on campus.

I think some of my fears about moving to a new place were put to rest too. I guess all but one. I began to learn the city a bit because I drove around on my own and I could remember where I was going. I don't think it would be that hard to acclimate to learn new directions and such. That is one thing that I was worried about. I think there is plenty to do as well. The culture seems to be something that I would enjoy.

I was also impressed with the company. Everything was new and really nice. The work environment was also friendly. As we were walking through I started to imagine how I would decorate my cubical. I found that kind of humorous.

I guess all I can do now is wait. Interviews are done as well as the visit. I still can't believe how nice it was. It was kind of unreal.

I also had some free time to see Steve. Here is a picture of us from dinner. He has such a nice family. His daughter was so cute. I couldn't believe it. I kind of want one now; even though he and his wife said that I shouldn't ever have kids. Who knows. Maybe someday. I guess I need to update my To-Do List. I best get that set and then move on to get my Thank Yous written for the recruiters and some homework done.

can i make it 36 hours? let's hope so

So yeah! I haven't slept in exactly 24 hours. Kansas City was amazing. I have to get to class and I will write about it later. I got back at 1:00 last night and my girlfriend was frustrated so I went over and helped her with her paper all night. I enjoyed it. We'll see how today goes. It is super busy.

whew

Someone just read my mind tonight. I'm so glad she called. I really needed to get that out. I hope she didn't mind talking that long. I know she doesn't really like talking on the phone but I do. Tonight was by far the longest that we have ever talked.

I am heading to Kansas City tomorrow morning (hopefully). I say hopefully because of the weather. My parents are wanting me to stay home if the weather is bad. I'm kind of upset because this is something that I've been looking forward towards all month. I'm really excited to visit places that provide opportunities for me. It makes me want them even more. I hope the weather holds of so I can go.

Swing dancing tonight was amazing. I felt like I got something accomplished. I wasn't the greatest because I missed last week but I actually was able to put a lot of things together. I really enjoy the activity; it is non-competitive for me, I get to meet a lot of different people, and I get to be active. All the people there are really nice! I definitely was in a state of "flow" there today. The hour went by so fast.

I need to get to bed. Tell Old Man Winter to hold off until Monday!

fun filled weekend

Yay! There is lots of good news going around this weekend. Last night was fun, today was fun, tomorrow will be fun, and Tuesday and Wednesday will be fun!

Yesterday I had dinner with a friend. It was really good; I hadn't had homemade tacos in awhile. The dip was super yummy too. I felt bad for one for the girls though because her date didn't show up. She looked kind of sad. After dinner I got to hang out with Matt. We won beer pong again; we've won two in a row together now. I don't think we're that good though. Sometimes you just get lucky.

I had a good walk home this morning. It was snowing and I got to ipod it. I like walking and listening to music. I need new headphones though; I somehow broke the connection on one of the ear buds and it will only work if I push the cord into a certain position.

When I got back I took a power nap and then went and picked up Nanci to have some elkie-hall before the game. All I can say is she is a big lightweight. She made it through the game though. It was a blast. We went to the rec show again; Anna came too and she got to see Mike! I like teasing her about him; I kind of helped her out a little with him. Not much but just a little bit of advice. I got a picture with Christie in her sexy band uniform too. She makes me happy.

I like what she said to me last night. It was so cute; she said that she liked my new facebook picture, and that I shouldn't "ever change" it. I like how she compliments me. It goes a long way because I never really got any compliments from girls in the past. It is nice to know she likes looking at me. She also said some other things that made me really happy the other day.

Iowa won today too! It was amazing. Oh em gee. What a game. I still can't really believe it. The first half Iowa kept it close and then they just pulled through in the second. Wow. What an amazing game. Too bad the rest of the close ones couldn't have turned out the same way.

Bowl game too! I'll probably go this year. o.O

This week is going to be super duper busy. Tomorrow is the first basketball game for Iowa. I think that will be a blast. I also have quite a bit of other activities that I have to do. I'm getting sleepy so I think I'm going to take a power nap before Jen gets back. I made her a pie Thursday but kind of passed out and didn't get to eat it with her.

So the test is really tomorrow. I got a lot of homework done tonight! I also had my first vodka cranberry since my birthday. This one stayed down! I'm proud of myself! My birthday was just a rough night :) and then Pittsburgh. It was pretty T&A.

I yelled a lot today at practice. It didn't seem like the kids really picked up on what I wanted them to work on. I am a little frustrated. I still have to make the lineups for tomorrow. I have an idea but I need to print off the sheet to give to the other coach. I'm a little worried that we won't be able to run the other out of bounds play that I put in.

Okay I'm wasting time now.

rain!

I am up way too late. So I didn't have a test today like I thought! It is actually Thursday. I was kind of freaking out but all is well. This week is a lot less hectic than I presumed it was going to be. Although I wouldn't mind being finished with that test right about now. I'll have to study for it more tomorrow.

As I was driving home tonight it started raining. It was perfect. I love the rain and I had a wonderful evening. It fit together well.

I'm off to bed!

oh the places you'll go

Wow. What a week for me. It hasn't really come to an end because I have a test tomorrow that I have not studied for at all. That is the task for tonight. I did the review sheet in the car but I couldn't find all of the answers. I now have to go over it a lot. I really just want to go to bed. It was a long week, but it was also the best week that I've had in a long time.

I was super stressed out during the whole thing too. I don't really know what to say. After my last interview today I just felt like someone was with me through all of this. I don't really know how I made it through it all. I know I didn't do it alone.

I was impressed with Nebraska too. In a perfect world I'd get into all the schools I want to go to and job offers from all the companies that I want to work for. I doubt that is going to happen. I kind of feel like everything is a long shot. I lack something called confidence. This is something that is not new.

I love my friends! The ones that care wished me luck in various ways. Each had his or her own way of doing it and I really can't express how much it means to me to know that SOMEONE cares about me.

I kind of wish someone would call and ask me how my interview went. I don't know if he/she is going to or not.

hello november

Ahh! Just got back from Illinois. We lost but it was fun and the Hawks put up a good fight. I wish we would have won! It was so fun until they drove the ball down with two minutes left and kicked a field goal.

Halloween there was fun except I am a little frustrated. I got a call from a friend and something was wrong and I would have talked to her but she heard that I was out and didn't want to talk. I texted her right after she hung up and didn't get anything back. I would have stopped anything I was doing to help her feel better. Sometimes things just get at me a little because I want to be there for people.

I should be packing for Nebraska but I am beat and I think I'm going to do that in the morning. I get an extra hour tonight so it can be used wisely.

This week has been one of the best in a long time! It isn't over until Tuesday either! Nebraska here I come :).

find a restroom sir

I am exhausted. Today was long.

I'm excited to go to the Iowa game this weekend. We will be heading out right after I finish practice. Should be a blast. I'm kind of packing right now. In the process anyways. I have the tickets out and my Halloween costume. I need to grab my camera too; would be a shame if I forgot that.

Our game today was much better than Tuesday. I saw a little improvement in areas that we stressed. We started off really well in both games which was good. I was also impressed that some of the kids started using some of the skills that we have been working on in practice in the game. They're picking it up a little better. Our out of bounds play was also money. We should have scored a few more points off of it.

I went to dinner with Jen today. She is going through a rough time. I am glad I was able to hang out with her. We were sitting in my car talking when I took her home and someone came up and just peed in her driveway right in front of us. It was ridiculous. There wasn't much we could do about it either. She said it wasn't the first time that someone did that. Some people are strange.

I am going to get some more prep work done for the morning. Big weekend ahead. GO HAWKS!

all together now

It looks like I've generated a little interest within a certain company. I'm okay with the corporation reading my blog. I don't really feel that I have anything to hide. I'm an honest person and if they have any questions I would be more than willing to answer them. They've known since the first career fair I went to that I was interested in professional schooling. It shouldn't be a big surprise.

As of right now if a company did offer me a position I wouldn't be able to decide upon it until next year anyways. I have to begin the process because there are no guarantees that I will have a job or a spot in a school.

Yippie! Today was one of the best days I've had in a long time. I started out with my interview at Iowa. I got there a little early because I was unsure if I would be able to find the room. I hope that didn't ruin anything. All the interview questions were ones that I had anticipated. I'm glad I did research online to find the questions that were going to be asked. It really would have been tough if I didn't find those.

I think my toughest question was "What is your life mission?" The second toughest was "What do you want to do if you don't get into Dental School?" I would be more sure of that but I was made aware of the Teach for America program, and now I'm torn between that and Engineering Consulting. With Teach for America I could earn a Master's or continue coaching. Eek! I would love to do it, but after meeting with students today I am totally for Dental School.

I guess all the preparation work is done for my Iowa application. Now I just have to wait until December 1st to find out. Hopefully I'll be selected within the first group.

I had another interview with Cerner today. The second round. The first round went a lot smoother. I ran into two speed bumps in the behavioral part of the interview. The second half of it was more technical and while I didn't know some of the terminology I knew the concepts. I'm getting more comfortable with interviews. I'm looking forward towards my next opportunity at Nebraska on Monday.

Practice today was amazing. I felt like the kids accomplished a lot. They really listened during the second half and I think gained a better understanding of the mistakes that we made. Hopefully we'll be able to put it into the game tomorrow. I don't think we'll be able to run the offensive plays, but I think if we correct the three big things we worked on in practice we'll be in the game.

One more thing to mention for today... :-D I don't even know what to say about it; it made me so happy! The interview that I was prepared for, practice, and then seeing her (and making her smile) really made my day. She was so cute! I just wanted to take her home and snuggle up with her and fall asleep. There is this thing she does when I do something for her that I love. I'm not going to say what it is because I feel kind of dorky for liking it!

I hope she chooses me.

short intermission

I just got done with my interview and tour of Iowa. I really want to go to Dental School now. It was so cool!

Okay enough I have to get going here!

motherly love

I had a good evening. I feel bad about my mistake today but I took responsibility for it. I know that was the right thing to do (taking responsibility). I stand by my values/decision but not by the way I went about conveying it. I was frustrated and did not react accordingly.

I talked to my mom for 40 minutes on the phone this evening. She made me feel better. I love my mommy. I was just stressed today. I made it through and the last part of my day was good for the way the first part went.

Tomorrow is our first basketball game. I'm nervous for that. I also have an interview for a job. Hopefully it will help prep me for the Dental School interview. I'm studying a lot of the same questions (for both). I'm more worried about the game. I just want the kids to have fun. I didn't really condition them that much; hopefully they'll be able to go the whole game.

I just took a break to set my roster for tomorrow. Stressful because they're all wonderful kids but they can't all play.

I am much relieved of stress after talking to Nanci and my Mom. I tried to talk to Jen but she kind of shoved it down my throat. I'm a little upset about that. I'll forgive her but it really hurt my feelings.

I feel sick to my stomach right now. I just ate a lot of Pringles but I don't think that is why I am sick.

I left my interview questions at home today. I was sad. I got them out and put them on my bag but when I walked out I forgot something and set them on my bed before I left and never put them back in my bag.

Today wasn't the best day of my life. I still have 5 more hours of it. I'm not going to sit here and sulk. I made mistakes today. I'm not really proud of them but I can't get them back. I can just learn from them.

ambition

I didn't get anything done today. I slept pretty much the whole day. I doubt I will be able to get to sleep tonight. It has been a long time since I haven't been able to sleep at night. Tonight would be because I slept all day not because things would be keeping me up.

I have three interviews this week. Two at dental schools and one at another company. I don't really feel the pressure right now. Wednesday will probably be a different feel though. It has come time to see where I'm at I guess. I think I know what I want right now a lot more so than I did at the beginning of school. No matter what happens I will do my best. I don't give up that easily.

I'm going to need something warm and fuzzy here soon. Last night was pretty good for me. I'm a little worried but I am doing my best and that is all that one can ask of me :). I've never been one to be very confident. I'm kind of a shy person until I can spend some time to open up. I'm just a little frustrated hearing the same lines. I don't know what to think because EVERYONE tells me them. I heard them from my parents, my ex-girlfriend, my counselor this summer, my best friends. It just seems like people are trying to put a band-aid on me to make me feel better. I think in all reality it just comes down to me figuring out who I am. I didn't really have a chance before in my life.

I'm glad that someone talked to me and told me that I was too unselfish. I need to go get ready to get what I want. I know I can do it; I'm going to do it for myself too. Just watch. Come next Monday I'll feel like a million bucks, and it won't be because I had a Runza. I'm going home!!! I'm excited. Lincoln will be fun. I can't wait to go back to the place where I began growing up. I like being a little kid. :-P Maybe a little too much.

maybe someday

Growing up is so fun :).

The million dollar question: Who am I?

I feel much better right now. I'm glad I got caught up on all the confusion last night.

I am going to go take a nap.

last night (take two)

my eye has been twitching lately. i don't know if it is a problem or not. have a good night.

and it's only 8

Jarod is sad tonight.

"that is a good thing"

I studied quite a bit tonight! I have an exam tomorrow. I'm going to study more in the morning. Hopefully this time I will be ready for the A and B and the complex multiple choice problems. Those are the ones that messed me up last time.

The kids found out which team they wanted to be on today. It was fun to see the kids come up to the glass window and look for which team they were on. One of the kids yelled, "I'M ON COACH JOHNSON'S TEAM!" It was great. Quite a few of the kids that weren't on my team came up to me and asked, "Why didn't you pick me?" I had to explain that we didn't "pick" teams. I also stated, "I can't have all of you!"

I'm glad so many of the kids like me. I'm a much better coach after football. I'm really happy that I was able to be an assistant for that. It set me up well. I have a lot more responsibilities now.

I love coaching! I don't think I would have as much fun if I coached High School. It might be fun to try at some point but working with the Junior High kids is the best.

Three of my friends called me tonight! I talked to each of them for about fifteen minutes before they had to go. I probably should have been studying but I'm happy to make time for people who want to talk to me. Some interesting topics came up with each of them. One of them kind of surprised me; I guess I'm out of the loop sometimes, or I'm just oblivious.

I need to get back to studying!

banana split

I'm going to write early tonight because I have a lot of homework to do and I will stay up way too late if I get on the computer after I get home this evening.

This Monday wasn't so bad. I'm pleasantly surprised. Usually Monday is long because of my four classes that I have in a row. I wasn't too sleepy at work either. I didn't get too much done; I decided that answering all the multiple choice stems is way too much to do. I think I'll just go over the chapters again. I spent a lot of time searching.

I kind of just sat at work and stared at the computer today. I was deep in thought :). I guess that is a good and bad thing. Good because I really need to mull over somethings in my head right now and bad because I could be doing homework. I need to get through Wednesday (my first exam) and then I can begin to start preparing for my Dental School interviews.

I got my "Thank You's" mailed out today. I have one left and I don't know if I should mail it or not. It is for writing a Letter of Recommendation for me but the person hasn't written it yet. I might just shoot the person an email and then wait. The interview with Accenture didn't get me to the second round. I wouldn't mind working for them but I guess I don't really have that choice right now. Maybe in the Spring. I sent the interviewer a written Thank You today. Maybe they didn't get it in time or maybe I was just beat out. Either case I feel like the written note is more meaningful than an email. I am writing written ones and mailing them from now on. I was influenced to do this because of "The Last Lecture". I think it takes more effort and is more sincere; granted I wasn't invited to the second round so it will end up in the trash I believe I did the right thing.

We split the kids talent wise today. I was a little upset that we didn't sit down and talk about the kids. We just stood there at practice and sorted them out. The other coach doesn't really want to be there any longer than he has to be. I'm sure he is busy but I think the split could have been done a little more professionally. I guess we'll see what happens. I didn't end up with the team that I would have liked to coach (the only reason I want the other one is because I had most of the kids in football). The coach gave me the option to switch but the flip was fair. I'll leave it up to him; we agreed to flip a coin and that is where it is at. I'm not going back on my word.

I got to talk to Steve a little more about my issues. He calmed me down quite a bit. Finally someone was able to listen to what I was saying and give me a direction. I'm not coming down on anyone else I've talked to here because most others haven't really dealt with the situation of growing up. Steve is old now! Well he always was old. I'm going to have to go visit him this winter. We'll have a wild time!

I am excited Tuesday is almost here! I get to eat at Wendy's. Tuesdays I've make it a tradition. Yum. Okay off to Swing Dancing, and then homework.

suncrisp and keepsake

Today was fun. I think it was pretty productive. I woke up kind of late but I got the most out of my day! I went and picked up some supplies for my date. It was fun!

We went to Wilson's Orchard and picked apples and then made apple pie together. I think she had a fun time; sometimes it is hard to tell. I had a good time. It was fun going and tasting the apples and then picking them out. I'm glad it was such a nice day. We probably picked more apples than we needed but I'm sure they'll all get used eventually. I also bought an apple turnover for us to share. It was delicious and worth every penny I paid for it.

Making the pie with her was fun too. She doesn't cook much and I like cooking so it is kind of something that I can kind of take the lead on. I think that is a lot of the fun. She was so cute today too; there was a time when we were both standing in front of the oven and I just couldn't help but smile. I hope she had as much fun as I did; I know she doesn't like the outdoors as much as I do so I hope it was an okay idea. Some of my friends (who are girls) that I told about it thought it was a cute idea; it definitely brought a smile to my face.

I wish I could know what she is thinking sometimes. She knows I like her; the other day when I saw her before the game I had the biggest smile on my face. I don't know if that is a good thing or a bad thing. She probably takes advantage of it sometimes but at this point that is okay with me.

I have a few things in mind that I wish she would do for me. They aren't really specific things but they are things that I'd like to see happen. She has done a few already and that is good. It really isn't about receiving for me though; I like giving. Especially when I knows it makes people happy.

On a lighter note I need to buy some stamps to mail out my "Thank Yous" and applications. That is the primary task for tomorrow.

fair enough

Quick movements are bad right now. I'm recovering from last night and this morning still. I'm going to try to make it a little longer before I hit the hay. I feel like curling up in a ball right now with my teddy bears. That will make me happy. They're pretty much the only things that will sleep in my bed with me.

I'm a softy.

I have a few things that are pissing me off right now. I think that it is just frustrating when people will say one thing and be stout in it and then completely go against it with the actions that he/she takes. Another thing is that I can't really talk about some of the things I want to talk about because it turns into a conversation about something else completely. Oh well.

I have lost my train of thought for tonight.

I'm talking to Steve right now. We haven't talked in awhile. I wish I could help him out. He is a guy that has always been there for me and yet I've never met him.

I'm really struggling with this one central idea in my life right now. I think it is going to be a long struggle. It is funny how so much of my life is decided by other people.

not even a penny

The one thing I care about most in my life doesn't seem to be working out. It just really sucks. I work so hard and then end up with a horrific feeling inside. I've tried but you can't really change how others feel.

I have improved my life in so many areas but all of that doesn't make up for the lacking in others. I just wish things weren't so difficult sometimes. Maybe there is a reason for the things that happen in my life.

I know the brick walls are there for me to show me how bad I want it, but I can only bust through so many. The biggest one seems to be getting taller and taller. Sigh. Maybe someday.

I feel worthless right now.

iso motivation

Where shall I begin. How about last night. I studied quite a bit! I actually should have done more but my brother was watching the debate and I wanted to catch a bit of it. McCain is really stiff. Obama didn't really seem sincere in his closing remarks. I'd say that Obama is too liberal for me. He talks about change; which I don't doubt will happen but I don't know if it will be for the best. McCain offers a little too much of what we've had for the last 8 years. I think it is a tough choice.

I am kind of leaning one way but I'll wait a little longer to decide. It isn't like my vote either way will really matter in Johnson County anyways. Obama is going to win the county by a long shot. I bet he wins the state pretty big too. Whoever wins better get the country back on the right track.

This morning's test was decent. It was 13 choose 6. I knew around 4-5 fairly well and I kind of had to expand a little on what I kind of knew about the others. I wasn't really pressed for time and I think I said enough to do fairly well. I guess it depends on how the rest of the class did. I thought it was a tough test.

My second test was not very good. I got 80/100. I didn't really study for that one either. It was ProE (which is computer modeling of a part you want to fabricate). I was pretty close to finishing it but I just didn't have enough time. I kind of had to go with the flow. I didn't know all the shortcuts to make the part really fast so I had to draw a lot of little nit picky things. The average was around 56 so I'd say I did fairly well. Tomorrow I have another exam in that class. Can't say I've prepared too much for that one either. I am going to get on that.

Basketball today was fun! We're evaluating talent so I don't really coach too much. The kids I have are those that have just started basketball. They'll improve a lot throughout the season once we split into teams and I can work with them at a lower level. I'm excited that they have room to improve!

I haven't really eaten a good dinner (that I cooked; Jen made some really good pasta on Tuesday in exchange for a Mint Cheesecake) this week. I had frozen pizza tonight. Tomorrow night should be a exciting dinner. I'm looking forward to it a lot. I just have to make it through a test and an interview. After my interview my day gets fun! Well kind of... I still have a lot going on next week :(.

Onto flag football. The season was fun. We didn't win but that really isn't what matters to me. I had a lot of fun with the team. Tonight was wet, cold, and muddy.

Don't really have much to say. Nothing happened today that made me think beyond the daily routine. Oh! I named my rubber duckie! Mr. Flappy! :)

What is this thing called time and where did all of mine go? I can't figure out where I lost all my time and looking for where it went will cause me to lose more.

I really need to just decide what my priorities are right now. I have three jobs, school, and I am looking for jobs/professional schools. Bleh. It just seems like I have so much on my plate right now I never get time to just sit down for a second. The next two weeks are ridiculous. I have three exams this week; work has picked up and it is time dependent. I also have some interviews coming up. I need to apply for another job tonight as well. The deadline is tomorrow. Projects are taking a lot of time as well. I should be doing more tonight but I'm just overwhelmed. :(

I really enjoy coaching. It is by far the BEST part of my day. It just gets me away from school and real life. I really enjoy working with the kids. They enjoy my presence too. I have a few that act as coach's pets. I won't be coaching them though because they'll be on the A team. I think they'll like the A team coaches too.

So one of my friends made me really happy today. Jen gave me a rubber duckie! It was exciting. I got rid of all my old ducks because Alison gave them to me and I'm done with that. It made me happy. Jen knows what I like and how to make me happy. I'm glad that I have one friend like that. Not to many people do special things for me. I'm glad I am a nice person and can do things that make others happy. It is so much more rewarding when you can see someones appreciation. I'm still not perfect but sometimes it is the little things that make people tick.

So I need to just start flipping some coins to decide what I want in my life. I've thought about getting out a few pieces of paper and writing down everything that I like about all my choices. I might do it. Flipping a coin seems to be so much easier. I should flip one now to see if I should go to bed or study. It is 9:00 but I am exhausted. I need to study a little.

I'm kind of down tonight. My eyes are watering a bit now. I just feel like so much is going on. My life is a helluva lot better than it was last year but I just don't really feel like it is going anywhere. It might just be easier to sleep than stay up and think about all the choices I have to make. I've done a lot of work to get myself to where I am today but the road ahead is long. To get to where I want to be is a lot more work than I feel capable of doing right now. I just don't feel like anyone will appreciate me for who I am or understand me. I don't really feel unique.

I'm just going to go to bed. I don't really feel any better after writing.

ears ringing

Monday is over! Hooray! Well I enjoyed the last part of my day much more than the beginning. Work was kind of boring. Class was just average; although I did give a pretty good definition of what a group was in PASPA. I'm so the over achiever that sits in the front row (except I kind of tested the water on the first test and I know how I need to study).

More so I have to get a new senior design project; third time. Yes not fun. Stressful can we say. Just when I think that class is settling down it gets upended. I need to call Nebraska back to schedule my interview there. I kind of want to do it when I can go to a Husker game, and I want to take one of my friends with me for the day so it isn't so lonely. I don't know of anyone that would sacrifice a Friday of class for me.

I'm looking forward to tomorrow because I can nap. I will also probably go have a Spicy Chicken Sandwich for lunch at Wendy's since I have kind of made a tradition out of that on Tuesdays. I skip breakfast usually so the fatty meal is ok by my standards.

Basketball was oodles of fun today. The kids really like me as a coach. I think now that I'll be a head coach I can get a lot out of them. It really helped me to be an assistant in football and I am so grateful towards Kris (the head coach) for all he did. I thanked him but I don't think it goes to show how much he did for me.

Swing Dancing tonight was good! I wasn't as horrible as last week. I think it was just kind of a fluke. Last week I just didn't really feel like being there and I was also a little frustrated with the people I had to dance with. We're all learning (and I sucked too) so I guess all is fair.

I got picked up after lessons. It kind of surprised me that she came to get me. It was really nice of her. I was planning on stopping by the bank to get money since she said she bought tickets already. It would have been slipped in her purse or back pocket to pay for them but she was waiting for me in her car.

Alyssa got so giddy for the concert. I don't think I will ever be that happy for a concert. There are a few bands I would get excited for (July for Kings, Third Eye Blind, Graham Colton, Safety Suit) but none like she was. July for Kings would probably get the biggest rise out of me. I would say that there are a few things in life that will make me that happy:

Getting a new teddy bear.
Probably a Packers Game (I've never been to one).
A girl doing something for me that she knows I like.
A big time Iowa Football Game (i.e. Iowa vs. USC in the Orange Bowl or more recently Iowa vs. OSU under the lights).
Getting another tattoo would probably do it as well (this won't come for a long time in my life though [if ever]).

Having my friends show up to my birthday party would have done it as well.

Anyways I'm glad we got to go out and do something. It had been awhile since we have done something besides hang out. I know it was important to her that we go since her roommate Alyssa probably wouldn't have gone if we didn't go with her.

I have to say I liked the last two bands. I really like the acoustic part of Minus the Bear. I'm not really into the jumping around thing or moving with the beat. I just don't feel comfortable doing that for a band I've never heard. Kind of would have felt as if I were doing it to fit in. That isn't me. I enjoyed it but I just can't bring myself to jump on a bandwagon because everyone else is doing it. I might come of as if I'm not having a good time for it but so be it.

Her goodnight kiss was just what I needed. :)

Goodnight!

no longer a red letter day

I'm proud of myself for today!

I am really sweaty right now. It has been warm the last two days. I got my hair cut today. The lady that cut it was really nice to me. She asked me how I normally did my hair; I told her that it was dependent on what time I woke up. She laughed at me for that; in a fun way though.

So true though. I have been waking up really late usually. Pretty much days I wear a hat I don't shower in the morning on. I haven't really done my hair lately either. It was hard to do when it was longer. I'll probably do it tomorrow (if I wake up early enough).

Dinner with Matt, Ben, and Eric tonight was good. We got to watch Dallas/Arizona game ending. It was pretty intense. I'm glad I got to see the guys tonight. I invited Ben and Matt to dinner and they both were able to come this time. It was fun!

I have about 100 pages left in my book. I've been slowly chipping away at it. I really am enjoying this one a lot. I think it might even be my favorite Sedaris book. We'll see. I might be biased because I thought two of the chapters so far were just hilarious. Who knows.

I am happy! I got to talk to Christie on the phone tonight.

all carved up

I made it through Saturday without doing any homework! Whew. I did laundry though. I washed my bed sheets and pillow cases. I think I mixed up my firm and soft pillows though. I don't know which is which. I'll have to see if the tag says or something. I'm still the only one that has slept in my new bed. It is sad; I've had it awhile too.

I got to talk to Jen today while she was driving home. I'm glad she figured somethings out in her life. I bought the Creme de Menthe finally so that I can make the Mint Cheesecake for her. I figured I'd do it. I kind of feel like an alcoholic with all the wine and liqueur I bought.

I was really tired on Friday night. I took a nap and then woke up and finished the bottle of wine from Tuesday's dinner. Anyways back to Jen's conversation. It was kind of awkward but I enjoyed it. She was telling me about something that had happened and I said something that was not intended to be perverse and she just laid it on me. I didn't really expect that from Jen! It was kind of the first time she turned the tables one me. I'm usually the one twisting her words (except the way she twisted mine was actually what had happened). It was great.

I had dinner with Nanci tonight. I also roped her into making a pumpkin with me. She paid for dinner for my birthday. I'm glad I used that rain check. I hate rain checks. They usually don't ever get used. I have one from Nanci from my 21st birthday that I haven't used. Kind of ridiculous. I thought I'd just use the one that she gave me from my 22nd. She is a good friend. I'm glad that she was here this summer to keep me company through the rough times. I don't know if I'd be here today if it wasn't for her. She also let me vent a little about things that have been on my mind.

The pumpkin took forever to carve. I was looking for a bear picture online and when I was trying to make them into a pattern in Photoshop they weren't coming out very well. I just decided to do my tattoo. It was way to complex. It would have been fine if the pumpkin was huge but I picked out a small one. It turned out better than I thought it would when I removed the pattern. It was like there were dots everywhere and I didn't know which was which.

I'm going to head to bed and get some rest. The pumpkin took a large amount of the evening but I enjoyed it. Artsy stuff is fun. :)

My Thursday was the most amazing day of the week. Oh em gee. It was good. I woke up late and made it to calss on time; and then I talked to the police and got everything straightened out. I actually talked to the police Wednesday as well but today I ahd a formal interview with them.

We won our last football game too! That put us at 44-20. It was pretty fun. I thought the kids were kind of flat in the second half but then they picked it up after the other team scored. We finished 3-2. That is pretty good; tomorrow is the pizza party.

I also got another interview! So I have quite a few coming up. I have one with Nebraska, Iowa, and hopefully a few businesses that I am looking at. I'm excited about the interview at Nebraska. It is my home state! Also I'm out of state so it is kind of hard to get an interview because I'm not really a top applicant. It should be fun to go to Lincoln! I'm excited for Runza too! Yum.

Tonight I went out with Dan to Piano Lounge. It has been a long time since I have been there. My favorite place. We have 3 martini's left on the list and then we've gone through it all. We did 6 tonight and then Taco Bell.

I'm going ot go to bed now. I have to work at 8:00 :). I think I can make it since I made it on my birthday. I wish someone was here.

police

So I got a phone call from the police today. Yeah not fun. I guess the office lady shouldn't have been able to get money to pay everyone or something. I'm really confused about what is going on. I answered some questions tonight and someone might be coming to work tomorrow to ask me more.

Dinner was good though. I'm glad she let me take a moment out to talk to the police too. I'm just going to cooperate and answer all the questions to the best of my knowledge. I hope no one did anything wrong.

I really don't need this in my life right now. I'm already stressed out about finding a job and applying to dental schools. Enough is enough.

I'm glad I got to hang out with her tonight. It really took my mind off of stressful things. She is so cute. I really liked her pants tonight and I wish she could have stayed. I have to get up in five hours.

Today was long. I sucked it up at swing dancing too. No compliments this week. I need to work on the stepping part. I also have to lead. It sucks when I have to decide what to do. It is really hard! My brain doesn't think like that.

I'm eating a lot of Sun Chips now. I should have not opened this bag. I'll finish it tonight!

I got paid today from my summer job. It is all in my hands now. I have to send a letter to Workforce Development now saying I got paid. Can't forget to do that. Tomorrow I'm making dinner for someone special! I'm excited. Hope she likes what I was planning on cooking.

Practice was hilarious today. I overheard the kids talking; not something that I can repeat here. I chuckled though. It was some of the same stuff my friends joked about at that age. I guess it is just a process.

We're having a Pizza Party Friday. I'm excited for it! It will be fun to get the kids together. They've all grown so much as a team. I'm excited about our game Thursday. It is just too bad that it has to be our last.

page two

This weekend was pretty darn fun. From Friday until today. I didn't get much homework done but I had a great time with friends!

Friday started off with my team's last Friday practice. It was a fun practice for the kids. We played a lot of fun games rather than traditional drills. You can't really teach much new material to them on a Friday. They usually forget it over the weekend. It is the last week of coaching football. I can't believe how fast it has flown by. It is really sad. I think basketball will be fun but you can't beat football. At this point in my life I can sit back and say that if someone came up to me and told me I could spend an hour of my life reliving any portion of it (or doing anything I want) I would choose to go back and play a game of high school football. Hands down nothing comes close. I'm not a player anymore; this is something that is important to realize when coaching. I'm a coach now and I have different responsibilities. It is fun but in a different way. I included a picture of my team and my "Authorization Certificate". Two things that I am really proud of hence each of them get a spot on my wall above my desk. These kids are people that I will remember for the rest of my life. Hopefully I have influenced them in a way that they will do the same for me. I've learned a lot from my experience with them.

I'll end my rant and get back to the weekend. Friday night after practice I went to the West Homecoming game for Junior High Appreciation Night. It was fun to talk to some of my old teachers but some of the same questions I have had to answer in the past came up. I'm sick of answering them. I was talking to Matt about my frustration and here is what he said. I've heard this from Jen too.

(5:21:22 PM) Matt: well from my view...and take it for what it is
(5:21:39 PM) Matt: you have changed a ton since being with her and it has been for nothing but for the good
(5:22:11 PM) Matt: honestly, you are a much more enjoyable person to be around and it seems like you are loving life

I'm proud of myself. I agree with both of them completely. I'm glad I got to spend time with them at Bo James on Friday as well. It was fun to hang out with the old crew from Freshman year. I'm glad they gave me a second chance because I know a lot of people that haven't been so forgiving. We all ended up crashing at Matt's and then watching the game there the next morning.

I went to dinner for my birthday with my parents that evening too! Bennigans (my favorite!). It was fun. I get emotional sometimes when I see things that remind me of the decisions that I have to make in my life. I don't know why but it just hits me. At the mall there were kids with their parents. It is hard. I don't know if I want to get married at all. I know for sure that I am going to have kids (whether it be through adoption or other means). I think it would be a blast to be a single dad but I also see the benefits of finding someone special. I am not sure what I am looking for at this point in my life so I am just having fun. Whatever becomes of it is not something that I'm going to worry about. I'll make that decision when I'm older (and hopefully wiser).

Today my mommy took me to get a new suit. I need it for interviews. They're coming up here (both job and dental school). I need to practice answering questions and the likes. Ah! I have to grow up a little bit here. I'm about to get into the real world; or closer to it. Scary! The whole interview thing is just another thing that is mind boggling to me along with the whole kid situation. I don't know if I want to get a job or go to dental school. I really want to get out of Iowa City but at the same time I want to be a Dentist. It is rough! I know I can be good at whatever I choose to do with my life but I'm not sure which direction to head. Working with Junior High kids is really fun and it makes me want to do Pediatric Dentistry even more than I had originally thought. Being an engineer would be cool too; I'd get to geek out everyday of my life.

I think I've gotten enough into the issues that have been bothering me lately. And the two songs that I talked about awhile ago are the following.

Cardinal Trait - Nowhere Land
July for Kings - Normal Life

Listen to them and you'll understand the two issues that are conflicting in my life. I'm in no rush to make a decision either way at this point. I'm really enjoying my life right now.

my leg is sleeping

Lemonade. I love it. I used to be obsessed with it when Miles and I mowed. I would make a huge gallon of it and take it out on the day's work. It made me have to go to the bathroom a lot but it was amazing. Yellow lemonade is the drink of my choice.

Today was kind of long. I had to pee really badly at practice and I had to run it. I should have gone before practice today. Yikes. I had to jog in and jog back quick. Luckily there are two coaches or I wouldn't have made it.

There was a coaches' meeting for basketball tonight as well. It was informative. There are a lot of rules that are really confusing to me right now. I'll just memorize them here when I have time.

I went to Christie's concert tonight after the meeting. It was at West High; if it would have been anywhere else I probably wouldn't have gone. It was just convenient right after the meeting. The music was good. It reminded me of when I was a kid and all the music from the Disney movies. I like things that remind me of when I was a kid (hence my teddy bears).

I sat behind the piano (well it wasn't in the way when I sat down) so I couldn't see her for the first piece. Then she moved and I could see her. I don't think she saw me but that is okay.

Tomorrow is a huge day. Test; gameday; flag football; and then hanging out. Hopefully I'll be able to make it through the test. That is really my biggest concern. I have studied a lot more than I did for my first test. It is pretty much brute memorization for these classes. Hopefully I'll do fine.

They moved the game from Monday to Thursday. This gives us an extra day of practice to prepare for our last game. I'm kind of bummed about it but we really don't have enough kids for a reserve game. I'd like to see those kids play more but it is what it is.

Anyways back to the grind.

i got my foot in the door!

So Ben sent me this and I found it too funny. I also enjoyed the Softer World comic for today. Heh.





Today was a good day I guess. I got an interview at Iowa for Dental School! I think that is exciting. I have a test Thursday that I have to study for. That isn't so exciting.

I cooked tonight too! The first time in a few weeks. It was very satisfying and relieved a lot of stress. I kind of just want to curl up and go to bed right now but I should probably study some.

Hope all is well.

making memories

I need to get into some deep stuff sometime. I can't write it here though. I just can't. I want to just spill everything out that I have been thinking about my life all at once. I know how I would do it too. There are a lot of songs that I could just take clips from and put them all together. I'd start off with two songs; one by July For Kings and the other by Cardinal Trait. They're completely opposite in the spectrum but they encompass the ideas that I am fighting between.

I honestly don't know what I want. I just want to float around for awhile but it is kind of late for that now. I have to grow up in less than a year. I guess if I go to Dental School it will prolong it awhile but that would also be making half the decision for me. I just don't know what I want to do about everything right now.

Sigh. I totally would get into it here but I don't feel comfortable. I feel like it would be rebellious. For me it might be what I need to do; I just don't know. I'll find out eventually. It is a tough decision.

Swing dancing tonight was amazing! I got to dance with some cute girls (but that is nothing new ;-P ) and I got a lot of compliments on my dancing tonight. It was the first time and like four girls in a row said that I did a great job. It made me so happy. No one really understands me but one thing that I have a huge problem with is self confidence. It took a pretty big hit last spring and it really hasn't gotten better. It was just nice to see that someone else notices when I do well.

Not many people compliment me. I've never been the most attractive person. I've never really been complimented on what I look like and who I am by females. I think I'd have to say that this is the first time that anyone genuinely said something to my face. I've heard stuff from my family but they're just being nice.

I guess all that stuff is a bonus right now. I'm happy with where I'm at in my life. I'm in no hurry to go anywhere and in no rush to push anything in any direction.

It was Ben's birthday today. He went out for a beer with some of his work friends and I joined him after swing dancing. I felt like a girl though. I ordered the Ace Pear Cider. I thought it was a beer but it was more like a wine. It was good but very girly compared to all the dark beers that the rest of the guys ordered. I am glad I got to go out. I didn't get any homework done today but I think my friends birthday is more important than homework. I don't think I would have missed it for anything except a family emergency. That is how important my friends are right now. If I had a test the next day and needed to study I still would have gone. There are some things that you just got to suck up and do for other people. I'm pretty damn sure that the memory of his birthday is way more important than the grade recieved on an assignment or test.

and did i remember to keep your beer as full as mine

Bleh. I didn't get everything I needed to get done today. The Packers lost too. That sent me back to my bed for a nap because I was frustrated. I woke up and went to the SC to get some homework done. I am not really good at doing my homework when I'm in my room. I spend too much time on the computer.

I got to eat dinner with Nanci. It was good to eat with her. I'm glad we're sharing some of the same frustrations in DFM. That class really sucks a lot. I thought it was going to be fun. It is fun at certain points. I really enjoy the lab. The rest of it is a heck of a lot of work. I'll get through it though.

Whenever we go to dinner we always get one check. It is funny because we're not dating. It has never been like that for my side between us. I love the Airliner pizza. It had been awhile since I had eaten it. After she showed me how to do the DFM homework. It still took me another hour or so to figure the darn thing out. It was really silly. I dislike the way ProE is presented in the class.

I finally got groceries tonight. I spent too much money though. I had to buy some other cleaning stuff too. When I got back I found out Aaron bought some dish detergent. Now we have two extra boxes. I guess it will last awhile now. I also bought a thing to put in my toilet. I hate cleaning the bowl. Hopefully the two dollars that the thing cost is worth it.

I'm going to cook tomorrow night at like 9:00. I'm excited! I haven't cooked real food in a long time. I made cookies last week but I gave them away. I'm making some sausage. I was kind of upset because I had to buy more food than I needed. I needed a pound of red potatoes but the were out and I had to buy a five pound bag. They're cheaper but I don't need them. Kind of a waste of food to me. Hopefully I'll be able to make something else with them.

Tomorrow I have to get some homework done in the morning when I'm at work. I also need to draw up some plays for football. Three more games left and the season is over. Kind of scary how fast it just flew by. We're 2-1 right now. Hopefully we can win our last few and send the kids off to their high school season on a positive note. Our game this week is in Cedar Rapids and next week we have one at City High. We also have a reserve game at Southeast on Monday and the regular one the following Thursday at City.

I'm going to play a few rounds in a video game and then head to bed. I haven't played in a while.

I am really sleepy. I decided to just hang out with friends tonight. Tomorrow is a huge day and I have a lot of homework to do.

The stress ends on Friday and then begins again Monday. Two days of just fun is good but it just seems like I don't get to spend enough time with my friends. I almost feel like I have too much going on with different people and I have to shaft some. I need to write a few more "Thank Yous" for things from my birthday. I got a few sent out on Friday (and delivered one in person).

Right now I am really lacking that friend that I can talk to everything about. It would be Jen but I don't like talking about certain things around her because it makes her sad. I want her to be happy so I try to avoid the topics a little unless I have to get it out. It kind of sucks and I miss being able to talk to one person about all my problems, but I think I'm better off now than I was a year ago.

I just thought of something and it made me smile.

shake it

Jarod is a happy boy tonight. I had an amazing time with Christie. It just felt really natural to be with her; from the moment I picked her up until I left. It just made me warm. I don't know what it is but seeing her tonight after not seeing her for a week was a good feeling.

We went to Steak 'n' Shake. It was funny because she was going to pay for the first time but she got on the phone and I grabbed the check and went up and paid. I also gave her a surprise. I made her Oatmeal Cookies last night and then bought her a bucket. The bucket was to represent me puking all over her place on my birthday. I felt really bad about that (and then hogging the bed). So I put the cookies, candy, and then a bottle of Smirnoff in it (she is collecting all the flavors so I got her one she didn't have).

I hope she liked it. I know it doesn't make up for my actions but it was the least I could do to let her know I'm sorry.

I got to spend some good time with her talking when we got back to her place too. I started off with a open question to see if she'd ask about my past. She knows what she needs to know for now I guess because she didn't ask about it. Afterwards I brought up "us". She answered the way I was hoping she would.

I was driving back and I decided to go to Bo James with Matt, Eric, and Dan (plus a few drumliners). It was a good decision. I'm glad I went instead of driving home. I got back a little later but the company was well worth it. I had one big beer and then just relaxed.

I need to join my teddy bears now.

Today wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I had my first test. It wasn't fun but it wasn't horrible. I was out at like 9:30 last night. I only know this because I woke up at 5:20 (two hours before I normally get up which means I went to bed two hours earlier).

I got two hours of studying in this morning though. I would have been screwed if I didn't.

My life is really stressful right now. I found a group for Senior Design; I think. We'll see if it pans out by Friday. I'll know for sure then.

The career fair is tomorrow. It should be exciting. I am going to visit a few companies that I've talk to before. We'll see how they go this time. I am very excited and nervous at the same time.

Football game tomorrow too! Host Linn Mar.

Tonight I got a lot of homework done. We did some more calculations on our Wind Turbine; then Andy and I went to Vitos and then proceeded back to work on ProE. We got a lot done.

I'm here now and I am going to head to bed soon. Tomorrow is a super duper long day. I just need to make it through without thinking about too many things. It isn't like I have to decide upon anything by the end of the day.

not a piece of cake

I have a test tomorrow. Bleh. Okay so this weekend was AWESOME. I'll start off explaining it and then I'll get into this next sucky week. I just don't really have any clue what is going on now.

Thursday was fun! The football team won the first game. I was proud of them. It was really long. We went to the wrong school because of scheduling so the team before us got delayed which in turn delayed the start of our game. We won 22-20. It was really close. I let the kids have a piece of the cake I bought them after. They were all very gracious and excited.

Thursday night was a little rough. I had a great time until the bar closed. I feel rotten for what I did to the girl I like. She didn't deserve that at all. I wish there was something I could do to make it up to her. I couldn't stop thinking about it all weekend. I hope she knows I'm sorry.

Friday we left for Pittsburgh. Got in at 4:00 AM and woke up at 7:00 AM to go tailgate. We couldn't find beer! They don't sell beer in convience stores or grocery stores there. The liquor store didn't have any either; and it wasn't open until 9:00 AM. We finally found the beer depot on the Southside. Got a case and were on our way. The game was fun except for the fact we lost. It was close but we just didn't pull through.

After the game we got tickets for the Pittsburgh Pirates game and the Lynyrd Skynyrd Concert. Both were amazing. The bars afterwards were good too.

So I probably didn't do the weekend events justice because of how late I am writing about them but it was the best birthday weekend ever. Even better than my 19th. That is saying something.

On to this week. It is really busy. I'm at this point in my life where I'm not really good at making decisions. I kind of have expectations and I want them to be met... but at the same time it is impossible for them to be met. I want to have all the things set for Senior Design but that went down the shitter today. We had a group member bail out. We have to decide on a project within a week and have three people. We're down to two with a week to go.

I also just am really frustrated with my job search. The career fair is Thursday. I really don't know what to expect. I want to get a job but I also want to go to Dental School. I got to forget about this for a week but it just came back again because of the fair. Frustrating. I'm going to try to hit up Accenture again. I messed up the first time with them last semester but I am a completely different person now. Hopefully more humble too.

The last issue I am unsure about is just something that I will have to decide. I know what I want but I'm just scared. There has been a lot of growth lately and for that I am really excited. I've been elated when it happens. I think I just need to put myself out there. I've been pretty low before but I'm a better person now because of it. I think I just need to go with my gut on this one.

I'll end with a quote. I had to go look one up because I am really struggling right now to keep it together. I wish I could talk to someone right now but I don't like bothering people. I'm going to go shower and then try to study for my test tomorrow.

Here is the quote.

There’s always a struggle, a striving for something bigger than yourself in all forms of art. And even if you didn’t achieve greatness — even if you fail, which we all must — everything you do in your work is somehow connected with your attitude toward life, your deepest secret feelings. -Rex Harrison

i am home

I made it back from Pittsburgh all in one piece. I don't really have time to write about it now because of all the things that I have to do.

I had a wonderful birthday weekend. Definitely hands down the best birthday(s) I've ever had.

More later when I actually have time.

this is the moment time is racing slowly down

I have A LOT to do tonight. I got the movie back to Blockbuster so that was good. I still have to finish our group project (we're meeting at 8:00). Then I have to pack for Pittsburgh because I will have no time to do it tomorrow. Clean up my room (the laundry is still stacked in piles on the floor), and finish a reading.

Tomorrow is super busy. Class at 8:00 until 1:30. Then I have to hustle over to Hy-Vee and pick up my birthday cake. I told the team tonight that if they rode back on the bus I'd have something special for them. I almost forgot to get the cake ordered. Frustrating was Tuesday I guess. Our game is at 5:30 so we will probably get back around 9:00. That allows me for a little bit of time to have them get a piece of cake and hustle out. Hopefully I'll be back around 9:45 so I can make it to the bar on time.

I might coach basketball now. I'm really thinking about it. I enjoy football a lot. It would take up about the same amount of time. The load is pushing it right now but after Homecoming I won't have football taking up every weekend. Only a few spread out. Then I guess basketball will start for Iowa too. Yikes. I'm leaning towards doing it right now. About 90% sure.

I need to head down to the SC now.

one long day

I kind of just want to talk to someone now. I really want to go to sleep too. I hate bothering people. Today was very very long. I enjoyed most of it but sometimes I just wish I wasn't an engineer.

I really want to write some stuff but I can't. It just isn't right. That is kind of why I want to talk to someone. I don't want to talk to anyone that is close either because I've already bothered them enough.

My laundry is still in neat little piles around my room. I'm going to leave that for tomorrow night. Once I get all my HW done tomorrow I'll be able to get to my personal chores.

"what is in the air; not a scent of a woman, but what?"

I am done with Monday. Finally. Whew. Mondays are super long for me. I start at 8:00 and am done at 8:30. I enjoy the second half though. The first half of my day is work and class. The second is work (football) and swing dancing. It is exhausting but worth it.

I halfway did my laundry. It is all in piles but I still need to put it away. Tomorrow will be sort of busy. I'm posing as a professional photographer for one of my jobs. Should be interesting!

Swing dance lessons are super duper fun. One of the girls smelled amazing tonight. I like it when girls smell nice. I rarely tell them if they do (only if I really like them or they're a good friend). It is a huge turn on; I don't know why but it just drives me wild. I'm excited for this week! My birthday and Pittsburgh!

I just have to make it through tomorrow and Wednesday and the fun begins. I'll be slaving all day again tomorrow. We're going to try to get our group project finished. We're already two hours into it and it will probably take three or four more. Bleh.

I wonder what my birthday thing is going to be like. It will be interesting to see who shows up. I like birthdays. I think that they will be happy days for me no matter how old I grow. I am beyond the point where "material gifts" will make me happy. I get one from my parents and that is enough. There are two things that I really want for my birthday. One I will mention and the other I won't (and the one I am not mentioning it isn't material or sexual).

I really want my close friends to be there Thursday. That is all that is important to me. I invited the rest of the people because they would be nice to see again. A lot of them invited me to their birthday events and I went so I think it was respectable to invite them as well. I'd be really happy if they show up, but I highly doubt a lot of them will. It is a little frustrating to learn that most people only put up with me because of who I was with. I chose not to drink before I was 21. I probably should have gone out more (and refrain from drinking) but I didn't. I'm glad because I'm in a position to follow my career, but it made me lose some respect because of the way that I went about it.

I'm going to go see what is due this week and figure everything out. Then bed. I wish I could just hop in right now.

the napkin

I am in early tonight. Went to the bar with Ben and Nanci. Nanci and I had dinner at Scummit. She wanted Calzones but they weren't serving them. I enjoyed hanging out with them! They started doing homework on a napkin in the bar. It is funny because that would have been me a year ago.

Nanci and I had a good exchange of quotes. I wrote it down on a napkin! I have been out a lot this week. I am drunk but it feels quite normal. Tomorrow will be rough.

WHEN DEE!

What a wonderful day to be a Hawkeye!

Last night wasn't awkward. I left early because I promised Dan we'd go to Taco Bell and I wanted to get back at a decent hour. We're friends with the Manger Wendy. She gave us very good service! We always yell, "WHEN-DEE!" when we're in line. She is a fun gal. Love her hair too.

I had a good time last night. It was fun to see Amy again. Her friend from Marquette was nice too; I kind of felt bad for her because she didn't really know anyone. I got to see Miles again. I feel bad for what happened to our friendship. It is my fault too. I guess it is never too late to apologize.

This morning I got drunk and went to the football game! The Hawks came out really strong but just couldn't get it in. My analysis of the game was this. Iowa's offense kept making simple mistakes that cost them field position (i.e. penalties, starring down the receiver, overthrown balls). Iowa State moved it consistently, but they just couldn't beat the Iowa zone when the area on the field got smaller. Watching the Iowa secondary is painful for me. It is the way Stormin' Norm wants to do it and I can understand that he doesn't want to give up the big play. The system works really well if executed properly. Iowa's defense has consistently proven itself under Norm Parker. Iowa State's special teams cost them the game. Flat out. Missed Field Goals and a Punt Return for a TD. They won the field position battle but just couldn't capitalize. I'm glad we beat them my Senior Year.

I took Christie a cheesecake today after the game! When we hung out Monday she told me she was going to Graze (I like their martini's) and she was looking through the menu picking out things she liked. She said, "Oreo Cheesecake! Oh; seven dollar Oreo Cheesecake and that is probably for one slice." I hadn't baked anything since school started really so I needed to do it to relieve some excess energy. I took it to her after the game. She is tired. I hope I didn't keep her from her sleep. I enjoyed seeing her though!

I'm supposed to go to dinner with Nanci. I tried calling her but I haven't heard from her. Nanci has been good to me. She really helped me through this summer. I miss talking to her. She is a busy little girl too.

items of interest

The first item that I want to write about is my weight loss. I'm really proud of what I was able to accomplish this summer. I've kind of leveled out now. My lowest has been 172. This is down from 190 something. I forget the exact value I have lost around 20 pounds though. I'm really proud of it. I found a picture of me last summer and put it next to a picture of me this fall. One year, but really I lost all the weight over the summer. I didn't start paying attention to it until I realized small changes I could make to lose weight.

The second item is a card I got my team to sign for one of my players. He broke his leg in the game the other day. I was really pleased with the kids today. Members of the other team signed the card too. I haven't gotten everyone to sign it yet, but I'll catch a few more Monday before practice. I think the kid that got injured is a wonderful person and I don't want him to get discouraged. We can't control what happens to us but we can make the best out of the situations that arise. I know that breaking his leg is a huge disappointment for a kid at this stage in his life. He'll come around. He has 19 other teammates that are behind him.

I'm ready for this evening. I'm kind of wondering what it is going to hold. I really don't want it to be awkward for Amy. If it is I'm going to be polite and tell her that I am going to head out and why. I just want her to have a good birthday. I don't think things will be awkward on my side. I just don't know how others are going to react towards me. I'm open minded and I hope that they are too. That is something that I cannot control.

I'm just looking at those pictures of me and I can't believe that is what I did. I'm sure my tan right now doesn't hurt but I'm proud of myself. Now if I want to get a six pack I just have to do abs instead. I don't think I'm going to change my diet any. I am happy with where I got my weight. Maybe I'll start exercising my stomach a bit more. It is only 10 more pounds until I'm back to where I was Junior year of High School.

keep it to yourself

Today was a decent day. I accomplished a few things.

I finally submitted my application to Dental School. The darn thing is done. I applied to Creighton, Nebraska, and Iowa. I am also thinking about Marquette. We shall see. I either have to go to a public instate school or a private school. Nebraska is an exception though. For those of you who know me well enough you understand that.

I'm feeling better about it. I just don't know what to expect. I am starting my job search too. I need to have something to fall back upon. Engineering isn't bad. I'd really like to do business consulting. I like making things but I think the social aspect of consulting would be more of my style.

We lost our second game today (8-6). I think I am more upset about the sportsmanship that my team showed than the loss. After the game the kids were getting water and they were talking to some of the other team that didn't play (because it was a reserve game), and something was mentioned about another player on the other team. I'm not going to repeat it but it was unacceptable.

I wish they would just respect others. It isn't that hard. I think an old saying applies.

If you don't have anything good to say don't say anything at all.

I am trying to decide upon my birthday event and what I want to do for it. The only thing I know I am doing has nothing to do with the bars. Right now I'm thinking I'll buy a cake for my football team since I am leaving practice early for Pittsburgh. I have to order it soon. I'll figure that one out this weekend.

Well I'm going to shower and get ready for Andy's birthday shin-dig.

picture day

I haven't done much homework tonight. I've done my reading quiz for Friday though. I need to read another article and do a summary on it for tomorrow.

I'm starting to become less confused. I met with my career adviser today. It helped get things started for me. I'm really going to have to hit that hard this weekend after the game. It just is a lot. He said I could probably have a job offer by Christmas if I work on it. That would be exciting.

The computer lab this morning was buzzing. I had someone call down that was having problems with email. I can't really help them as an ITC monitor and they got "hot" and hung up as I was about to give them the ITS Help Desk. I wanted to help them out, but I'm not the person in charge of the Exchange Server at the University.

It was picture day at practice. It went smoothly. I honestly thought it was going to take up a huge amount of time. I'm glad that it didn't. The kids were kind of lethargic today. We have a game tomorrow; hopefully what we worked on today gets fixed. We will see. It awesome how football is such a big part of my life right now. I like creating match ups and solving problems on offense and defense. There is so much strategy involved it is addicting.

I'm on a flag football team with the Drumline. It should be a lot of fun. I don't know how involved we're going to get. I guess it really depends on what the other teams do. I'd like to have a few plays to run and I think Chet has got that covered really well so far. There are three of us that played in High School. I guess I'm kind of ticked at the rules. They really prevent you from running some basic schemes on offense and defense. First game tomorrow. I just want to play hard and have fun. It is going to be really hard to avoid contact though. I'm a pretty tough competitor.

I have my Beat State shirt now! Picked one up at Hy-Vee tonight; for some reason they didn't have them at the bookstore. I got my hair cut too! Hooray.

promising to be here when the world comes down

I am thoroughly exhausted. I just want to keel over and sleep. Today was a long day. I didn't get done coaching until 8:00. I'll have to say my nap this afternoon was an accident.

Jen called me right as I got into bed. It sounds like she had a good time in LA. I'm glad to hear that. I will probably talk to her later this week. This week is really super busy for me. We have "Picture Day" tomorrow and another game on Thursday.

I also scheduled a meeting with my career adviser so I can begin a job search. That reminds me I need to print my resume. It is all shiny though. I also have my Dental School Application finished. Just have to pay the man now.

The game tonight was good and bad. The kids just gave up a few big plays and that was the difference in the game (we lost 22-12). Other than those three plays the defense was good, and the offense was much more consistent than I anticipated. I have a laundry list of things that we need to work on. I'm going to highlight the positive things too. I think that is important. We could have won the game tonight.

One thing that kind of upset me was coach was trying to shuffle kids in at the last minute that didn't get in. I don't think it is appropriate. We have another game on Thursday that they will play in. For the kids they just get to go in and stand there while the other team takes a knee. I don't think it makes them feel any better. Maybe it does. I just assume play them the whole game Thursday and tell them that they can show us something if they want to get in the next game.

I made some mistakes today too. One kid got injured and wasn't sure if he was ready to play. I told him if he was injured to sit down. The other coach wasn't pleased because we don't want to be teaching kids to be injured. That is fine and I respect that. I apologized to him after the game. Personally I don't think an injured kid should play. The kid was fine and got back in after walking it off. I overreacted. I guess if the kid is really hurt he will be on the ground. I'm still learning just like the kids are. I think that is a wonderful thing.

I am having Diet Mountain Dew and Chips for dinner. Not so healthy but it is around nine and I am not cooking. I have some stuff to get done for tomorrow.