making memories

I need to get into some deep stuff sometime. I can't write it here though. I just can't. I want to just spill everything out that I have been thinking about my life all at once. I know how I would do it too. There are a lot of songs that I could just take clips from and put them all together. I'd start off with two songs; one by July For Kings and the other by Cardinal Trait. They're completely opposite in the spectrum but they encompass the ideas that I am fighting between.

I honestly don't know what I want. I just want to float around for awhile but it is kind of late for that now. I have to grow up in less than a year. I guess if I go to Dental School it will prolong it awhile but that would also be making half the decision for me. I just don't know what I want to do about everything right now.

Sigh. I totally would get into it here but I don't feel comfortable. I feel like it would be rebellious. For me it might be what I need to do; I just don't know. I'll find out eventually. It is a tough decision.

Swing dancing tonight was amazing! I got to dance with some cute girls (but that is nothing new ;-P ) and I got a lot of compliments on my dancing tonight. It was the first time and like four girls in a row said that I did a great job. It made me so happy. No one really understands me but one thing that I have a huge problem with is self confidence. It took a pretty big hit last spring and it really hasn't gotten better. It was just nice to see that someone else notices when I do well.

Not many people compliment me. I've never been the most attractive person. I've never really been complimented on what I look like and who I am by females. I think I'd have to say that this is the first time that anyone genuinely said something to my face. I've heard stuff from my family but they're just being nice.

I guess all that stuff is a bonus right now. I'm happy with where I'm at in my life. I'm in no hurry to go anywhere and in no rush to push anything in any direction.

It was Ben's birthday today. He went out for a beer with some of his work friends and I joined him after swing dancing. I felt like a girl though. I ordered the Ace Pear Cider. I thought it was a beer but it was more like a wine. It was good but very girly compared to all the dark beers that the rest of the guys ordered. I am glad I got to go out. I didn't get any homework done today but I think my friends birthday is more important than homework. I don't think I would have missed it for anything except a family emergency. That is how important my friends are right now. If I had a test the next day and needed to study I still would have gone. There are some things that you just got to suck up and do for other people. I'm pretty damn sure that the memory of his birthday is way more important than the grade recieved on an assignment or test.