i'm glad you threw that all away

So I went to the Piano Lounge with Dan tonight. Things didn't go so well there. I think people think we are gay. Well I know people think we're gay. The other day at the Java House I got hit on by a gay guy. I don't know what I have to do to not be gay. Fuck.

I liked the last Martini that I had. It was very good. I can't remember the name of it right now, but it had Malibu, Pineapple, and Lime Juice. Yum. Dan didn't like it. There was a girl there that I hit on. It was horrible! I didn't really know what to say. She was cute, but not blonde (so I guess it wouldn't have worked out anyways). Her friends were all excited she was getting hit on, but she wasn't. I guess girls don't appreciate it as much as I thought they would.

I also gave a girl a piggy back ride! It was kind of fun; I won't lie about it. After we left Piano Lounge we were heading out and we saw her again. I walked her with Dan because she was super drunk, and her friends were leaving her behind. Poor girl. She was pretty though (and blonde!). I ended up buying her Panchero's. I figured I had the money, and she was kind of feeling down so I would do a nice thing for her. I ended up getting her number, and a goodnight kiss. It was a better kiss than I had from the drunk girl this last semester.

Afterwards I texted Jen that I got one. I was excited. I can't believe a girl would want to kiss me! I'm almost crying now because someone wanted to kiss me. Who cares if she was drunk! SOMEONE WANTED ME! I am crying now. I feel so down sometimes it isn't even funny. I'm so happy right now that someone actually talked to me for at least 15 minutes. I guess all I want is someone who cares.

I think my biggest fear is that she won't respond in the next few days. I gave her my number and I got hers, but the last time that happend I was hung out to dry. I try, and I fail.

"Cross my heart, hope to die. Swear I won't say what happened that night. So starting today things are going to be alright. Your best you tried, yeah you did fine. No better than find perfect in my mind. In fact I wish your heart was mine." - The Rocket Summer (Cross My Heart)