euphoria

It is starting to kick in. Thank God. It only took one tonight.

This is not what I intended
I always swore to you that I would never fall apart
You always thought that I was stronger
I may have failed
But I have loved you from the start

Oh, But hold your breath

Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don’t make me change my mind
Or I won’t live to see another day
I swear it’s true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
It’s impossible to find

So breathe in so deep
Breathe me in
I’m yours to keep

And hold onto your words
‘Cause talk is cheap
And remember me tonight
When you’re asleep

Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don’t make me change my mind
Or I won’t live to see another day
I swear it’s true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find

Today I felt good. I've been feeling a lot better this week. I really think things are starting to get better, and it isn't just the state I'm in. I was; well I don't know if I want to write that at this moment. I probably wouldn't be thinking clearly about it.

Ever wonder why there are things that you have to go through and nit pick about someone else. I feel like a horrible person. I know I have my own problems. I am working on solving them though. I need to put together a list of the money that my brother owes me so he can deduct what I owe him and pay me. Sounds complicated doesn't it?

I'm relaxed right now. I think I might play some video games.

I meant to write about how I felt about two of my friends today, and how they really are acting like the same person. I've only really told one how I feel. Maybe I'll do that quickly. I like quotes, and one day I came across one about time. It said something about how one organizes his or her time, and how no matter what that person will make time for what is important to himself or herself. I went looking for it, but I couldn't find it at this juncture.

There are two of my friends that are valuing other things at this point in their lives. That is fine with me. I understand completely, but I wish they would just say they didn't want to hang out. I'd be glad to hear the honest truth. The truth isn't mean or evil, it is just the truth. It is something that we aren't always able to control. It is nature. I will forgive these friends, and when they are ready to be everything they were before I'll gladly accept them back with open arms; no grudges.

I have been one of the bad friends, and I am truly grateful to those who took me back. I'm sorry for those that didn't. I understand and I take full responsibility for my actions at those points in time. I don't think I need to mention any names, but I know that you know who you are. I am sorry.

Last night I talked to three of my greatest friends in the whole wide world. I ate dinner with Nanci and her friends. It was fun; I sat there with five girls and just listened. The things they talked about ranged from boys to work to the flood. I loved listening. Then after dinner Nanci told me what she really honestly thought about my goatee. She was right. I kind of felt the same way about it, but I kept thinking it was going to get better. Nanci and I have an honest relationship. She told me HONESTLY what she felt. I am sure Matt and Ben would have as well if I had asked them. I was really proud of Nanci for telling me when no one else would. For this she is one of the greatest.

I also talked to Matt on the phone. I was thinking about calling him earlier in the night. Talking to him was wonderful. We both needed it, and it was good to talk to him about everything that was going on. I really wish I could talk to him now, but he is taking his test.

I also got a little conversation with Ben before he went to bed. I heard he had a date. I was spacing out and he left before I could make a comment about it. I am happy for him. I guess it just goes to show that there is HOPE for kids like me. He was at a different stage than I was, and probably in a more favorable situation. What happened with Ben is wonderful; I can't begin to tell you how happy I am for him.

Day by day; in every way; I get better and better. This I know is true.

I'm going to make my bulletin board now. That is why I went to Wal-Mart. I won't have color pictures on it, but I've always been a bigger fan of gray anyways. This week the colors have been changing. The gray is a representation of my mood, but I'm sure all of you are smart enough to figure that one out.