Point being I just took a quick glance and saw something interesting. She started a book; or a book outline. I'm not quite sure. I read it. I have mixed feelings about it. What I take from it is that I made the right decision. She had a wandering eye. I don't know the particulars about it and I doubt I will ever find out. I just know that this made me feel cheated. I felt as if I loved a person more than she will ever realize, and that I wasn't really loved back. I was just a stepping stone; or a place holder for the next step. It just seems after reading this last night all the pieces of the puzzle fell into place. Her actions during the time when we were no longer together just make sense.
I have to say it hurts; having a feeling that I know someone didn't love me the way I thought, but at least I have a better idea of the truth. I'm glad I found this; it sort of brings more closure for me. I don't know why I didn't come across it earlier, but I think if I would have found it earlier it would have carried a different meaning. Lastly, I remember a quote I heard; "The truth is neither mean nor evil; it's just the truth."
Here is the start of the book. In case you were wondering.
Chapter 1
“I think I could fall madly in bed with you.”
-Author Unknown
She fell, and she fell hard. She just didn’t know then how much he would change things without him even knowing about it.
Anna glanced over her shoulder to steal a peek at him in the back of the room… again. It was her third week of a new internship, and she was sitting in “Valves 101,” a training class her boss signed her up for. All of a sudden she knew that a week of in-depth valve information was going to be alright. Her reason happened to be wearing pleated khakis and a spring green button down shirt – she guessed it was Express after careful scientific observation. He was gorgeous. The kind of guy that made her wish she and Jacob had a bit less exclusiveness in their five year, one hundred percent exclusive relationship.
Monday morning’s class began at 8:00 with introductions. Anna waited for her turn. Her heart rate had picked up a few beats per minute, like normal for any public speaking, but as a twenty-one-year-old college woman among sixteen older men she didn’t mind their attention as much. There was Ben from New Hampshire, Brian from Texas, Jon from Hawaii, Rohit from Seattle, and then Caleb from Marshalltown sitting right next to her. After he finished introducing himself, Anna turned in her chair so that the teacher and the other fifteen members of the class were able to see her. She had always been a bit self-conscious about how she sounded, so she made sure her voice was light and girly as she addressed the men, “Hi, I’m Anna and I’m a co-op here in Marshalltown; I’m a Chemical Engineer from Iowa State University.” She took notice of thirty-two approving eyes taking her in as she spoke. Mr. Gorgeous was second to last and she waited impatiently to hear him talk. Damn, he was cute. When he spoke his voice was deep and warm and friendly and made butterflies pop into her stomach. “I’m Ben Becker, and I just started here as a Sales Engineer.” Ben Becker – his name was even hot. Ben Becker… where had she heard that name before? It came to her almost instantly – Anna organized a team for a YMCA volleyball league and a teammate had asked if a new co-worker, Ben Becker, could join. A satisfied smile fitted itself across Anna’s face. Now not only did she have a reason to talk him, they had guaranteed time together as well.
The morning dragged on. Anna tuned out and drummed her fingers on the table until Caleb gave her a glance. She froze in mid finger roll and gave Caleb an apologetic smile. He smiled back, genuine, down-to-earth, straight-toothed. He was not bad-looking himself. Anna thought about a book she wanted to write. Every so often she got filled up with words and sentences that swirled around inside her head, itching to get out. Anna was a pretty engineer that aspired to write a novel. What a contradiction of the stereotypes.
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